i may have figured it out...
i realised that i have never really had strong feelings for him, i have only liked the idea of liking him. ever since our last encounter together, things just seemed forced and as if we were trying too hard but today after what he had said, i realised that other people would have been hurt by that but for some reason i felt a weight off my shoulder.
as if my wipers had finally cleared my vision, i saw the truth. i saw that i liked the idea of having to call him mine, just the idea. never really wanted him to be mine because what was i gonna do with him then? do things change or stay the same then?
but now things are more clear for me, i did not lose him - he was never mine to keep anyway - i just lost track of the idea and that is perfectly fine. i am just glad that i have figured it out.
