Consider yourself blessed....

Consider yourself blessed if you have felt the love of your father throughout your life. The love of a man that is supposed to teach you how to be loved. The love of a man who is to stand by you no matter what. Your first ever experience of loving and feeling love from someone.

Consider yourself blessed to have experienced a love so deep that everything around you seems to not matter anymore. A love that conquers all, a love that shines brightly even through the darkest night. A love that makes dying seem peaceful and living forever without it seem impossible. A love that makes you question how a world without it could be.

Consider yourself blessed to have received that kind of love from your father. Consider yourself completely and infinitely loved.

I may have figured it out

i may have figured it out...

i realised that i have never really had strong feelings for him, i have only liked the idea of liking him. ever since our last encounter together, things just seemed forced and as if we were trying too hard but today after what he had said, i realised that other people would have been hurt by that but for some reason i felt a weight off my shoulder.

as if my wipers had finally cleared my vision, i saw the truth. i saw that i liked the idea of having to call him mine, just the idea. never really wanted him to be mine because what was i gonna do with him then? do things change or stay the same then?

but now things are more clear for me, i did not lose him - he was never mine to keep anyway - i just lost track of the idea and that is perfectly fine. i am just glad that i have figured it out.

Maybe that's just my problem right?

I think that's my problem. I easily become interested in the feeble things... Because I always remember the little things people do for me.

Maybe that's my problem. I don't know if it's because I trust easily or if I see potential in everyone. I am scared though. I am scared of investing my time in something that might not even go anywhere. The way I see it is, the longer you stay in that position of being enlightened by something that is not even certain, the harder it becomes for you to pull out because you are in way too deep. You become attached, you start questioning how your life would be without them and you see all the "bad" scenarios if it ever had to happen... But nobody told you it would be that way. The reason why you start looking at things that way, is because you have not given yourself a chance to branch out and by that I mean be your true self. You have not given yourself a chance to become who you are meant to be and right now that is where I am stuck. I am on my way to finding myself and figuring some stuff out that I do not know how to feel when something like this happens.

I become hot/cold and that is not what I entirely want. I want to be certain. I want to be sure of what I am getting myself into.

I do not like uncertainty but that does not mean I do not like spontaneity. I am all for that. It's just that sometimes you do not want to get hurt and trust me when I say I have been hurt one too many times. I've probably become accustomed to it now. I expect it anytime sooner or later.

Or maybe I am expecting permanent feelings from people who only want temporary things. Maybe that's the answer. Maybe just maybe, I should stop searching for permanent things in temporary situations. But sometimes the temporary situations give us what the permanent might not even offer. Maybe I want that suffering or maybe I don't.

Better things are coming.

So it has been three days since he was a dick to me. Honestly, I do not feel anything at the moment... Or maybe that is my problem? That I am not feeling anything. You know as a woman, when you put yourself out there and get that kind of treatment, you tend to close off or change... But that is the thing, I am still the same. I am happy and not bugged by the fact that he treated me that way during that moment.

It is as if I needed that and I am starting to think I did. It is helping me move on because now I am no longer holding on to broken promises or misconceptions of what it would have been like to have him in my life. I am grown now and I am free of one of my demons. The destruction of my happiness is no longer with me. I have the power to decide what I want to focus my happiness on and it is not broken promises or words, but it is actions.

I am a new woman without as much baggage as before. I am no longer held back by the past and what it gave me. It was nice while it lasted but good things have to end in order to get better things.

Relationships Or "Hooking up"

Hey guys. So I am back and this time I have decided to write about relationships or the misconception of them and how today's generation has become accustomed to calling it "hooking up". 

First off, I'd like to share with you guys my opinion regarding relationships. I feel like relationships should not just be a thing people get into if they are not planning on being with that particular partner for the long run. I personally feel like people should be in relationships to get married to their partners and it shouldn't be about passing time. I get that there are people out there that get into relationships because they cannot stand to be alone or they are "bored" (as some might say), or whatever illogical reason they might have, but that is just how I see it.  

Being in a relationship, is a very serious thing, mainly because not only are you investing all your time in knowing the person you are with, but you also start to become like them. You start doing things the way they do, because it is what you see all the time. You start chewing your food like them, you start getting the same attitude towards certain things etc. You basically become ONE. 

I also want to share with you guys how my relationships have gone. Okay before that I must say I am single and proud (I have pizza beside me, so I am good). I have been in a few relationships but they have not worked out because it is either the fact that I cannot entirely open myself up for them to "really know me and understand where I am coming from" or it is them and not being "ready to fully commit". You guys may wonder why I did not entirely open myself up for them, well it's because I could never fully trust people and this has been something that affected me, my whole life. Reason why I had trust issues is, because my dad walked out of my life when I was still young and ever since then I thought maybe I was not good enough for him because he left my mom and I for another family where he could get a lot of sons. 

Lol enough about my sad past. Anyway, I am working on my trust issues (Yay me!), but that is besides the point. 

I would like to be in a relationship but obviously not now because I am working on myself and trying to figure things out as an adult now. 

Now to talk about hooking up. Honestly, I have hooked up before and it is such a waste of time and it is tiring (whew!). I am saying this because you have to control your feelings and you just have to think "No I cannot be like this, they will catch feelings" (yawn). Stuff like that make it so tiring and not worth your while. I have stopped though! So no more hook-ups, unless you are Zac Efron...

Anyway, relationships are cool but if you are really serious about that person and you see a future with them! Hook-ups are a NO NO! Do not play with people's feelings like that, it is sad and tiring and definitely not worth your while! 

Thank you for reading guys! 
Do not be afraid to comment, even if it's anonymous... Even if you are just here to talk about how you burped, that is cool. It is a comment after all. 

Cheerio!!! :) 

This should be interesting...

So... Hello everyone. 

As you all can see, I am quite new to this blogging stuff and I hope you all understand... Anyway, hi. My name is Namhla, but you can all call me Nana. Calling me Namhla just sounds weird... Coz I am so used to hearing Nana... and now I am blabbering. Well, as I said, I am new here and I wanna share with you guys why I started this blog about random things on my mind...

I started this blog because I was bored... Kidding, I started this blog because I wanted to improve my writing skills and what better way to do that than with people giving me feedback on how I make a lot of mistakes and my sentence structures are a bit jumbled up etc etc. 

Okay... So I might have said a lot of things as to why I started this blog... I really just started it to express myself(which may be what every one of you guys do here... lol). I have no idea what to say...

I think I should tell you guys a little bit about myself... Well, I am random and weird... kidding. I am very serious and I have ten cats... (Double kidding, if that is even a thing). I am a 20 year old lady that has no idea why this age is the most awkward stage of my life... I live in Port Elizabeth which is in South Africa. S/O to my people all over the world reading this weird stuff... 

I believe that I am a very opinionated lady that LOVES telling it how it is... AND I LOVE PIZZA! (I mean who wouldn't?). I can be a very deep person... this is weird because you should find this out by yourselves, instead of me telling you. I want to be a writer some day... Just to boost my ego. LOL. No, I want to be a writer because I just love reading and I just want people to know what I am thinking without having to say anything.... (Did that make sense?) 

Anyway, I seem loud, don't I? 

That is only because I am. :) 

*Can you put smiley faces here or is there a rule??* 

This is still awkward... So I am just going to stop now because I feel like that is enough for the day... (whew!)

This one is for my weird people out there. 

Thank you 

P.S. 

Please do not judge me...