Maybe that's just my problem right?

I think that's my problem. I easily become interested in the feeble things... Because I always remember the little things people do for me.

Maybe that's my problem. I don't know if it's because I trust easily or if I see potential in everyone. I am scared though. I am scared of investing my time in something that might not even go anywhere. The way I see it is, the longer you stay in that position of being enlightened by something that is not even certain, the harder it becomes for you to pull out because you are in way too deep. You become attached, you start questioning how your life would be without them and you see all the "bad" scenarios if it ever had to happen... But nobody told you it would be that way. The reason why you start looking at things that way, is because you have not given yourself a chance to branch out and by that I mean be your true self. You have not given yourself a chance to become who you are meant to be and right now that is where I am stuck. I am on my way to finding myself and figuring some stuff out that I do not know how to feel when something like this happens.

I become hot/cold and that is not what I entirely want. I want to be certain. I want to be sure of what I am getting myself into.

I do not like uncertainty but that does not mean I do not like spontaneity. I am all for that. It's just that sometimes you do not want to get hurt and trust me when I say I have been hurt one too many times. I've probably become accustomed to it now. I expect it anytime sooner or later.

Or maybe I am expecting permanent feelings from people who only want temporary things. Maybe that's the answer. Maybe just maybe, I should stop searching for permanent things in temporary situations. But sometimes the temporary situations give us what the permanent might not even offer. Maybe I want that suffering or maybe I don't.

Better things are coming.

So it has been three days since he was a dick to me. Honestly, I do not feel anything at the moment... Or maybe that is my problem? That I am not feeling anything. You know as a woman, when you put yourself out there and get that kind of treatment, you tend to close off or change... But that is the thing, I am still the same. I am happy and not bugged by the fact that he treated me that way during that moment.

It is as if I needed that and I am starting to think I did. It is helping me move on because now I am no longer holding on to broken promises or misconceptions of what it would have been like to have him in my life. I am grown now and I am free of one of my demons. The destruction of my happiness is no longer with me. I have the power to decide what I want to focus my happiness on and it is not broken promises or words, but it is actions.

I am a new woman without as much baggage as before. I am no longer held back by the past and what it gave me. It was nice while it lasted but good things have to end in order to get better things.